


Flipping the Bird

by oceanvirus



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Humor, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 07:04:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10657410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceanvirus/pseuds/oceanvirus
Summary: Jake convinces Amy to look after his pet parrot while he's out of town.Takes place somewhere in late season 2.(I'm so bad at summaries I promise it's not as dumb as it sounds)





	Flipping the Bird

**Author's Note:**

> i really have no idea what possessed me to write this but here we are...i saw a prompt somewhere that was like "person A watches person B's strange pet while person B is away" and i immediately was like. jake has a parrot whom he taught die hard quotes to
> 
> anyways, enjoy this pile of purely ridiculous crack

“Amy. Aaaaaaamyyyyyyy. Ames. Amelia. Look at me.”

Amy heaved a sigh and turned in her chair to face her partner, who sat upside down on the break room couch, feet in the air and head dangling off the seat. He'd been pestering her for three days now, and she was reaching the end of her patience. 

“For the last time, Jake: no, I will not watch your parrot while you're out of town.”

“But Amy, he needs a friend! Two whole weeks! Poor Nakatomi won't make it on his own!” Jake exclaimed, flipping himself upright. “Besides, you're the only one remotely capable. Rosa would probably kill him after two hours for being too noisy. Charles has dogs and if they don't eat him, then Charles himself might. Parrot is probably a delicacy somewhere. Gina refuses because she doesn't want bird crap in her apartment, and I’ve taught him a few too many Die Hard quotes for him to be around Terry’s kids.” He rattled on, ignoring her irritation.

“Don't you have any other friends you could ask?” She raised an eyebrow, setting down the book she’d been reading.

“Yeah, but…I trust you the most.” He mumbled. Amy glanced up, and Jake suddenly seemed very interested in a stain on the fabric of his jeans, refusing to meet her gaze.

A familiar wave of affection rolled through Amy’s gut as she looked over at him. Sighing again, she conceded defeat. “Fine. But you owe me.”

A huge grin split his face and he sprung from his seat, blowing her a kiss as he waltzed out. “You're the best!” He called over his shoulder. 

Amy just shook her head and turned back to her book, fending off a smile. 

***

Amy was three days into her stint with bird-sitting and she was already prepared to feed it to the neighbour’s cat. Jake hadn't been lying; Nakatomi the parrot was very talkative, and the majority of his vocabulary was made up of Die Hard catchphrases, bad puns, and the occasional dramatic cry of ‘ _Help! I've been turned into a parrot!_ ’

“I’m telling you, it's driving me up the wall. If I hear that bird squawk ‘ _Welcome to the party, pal_ ’ at two in the morning one more time, I might just leave it on a subway somewhere.” She grumbled into her coffee.

Across the table, Kylie just chuckled. “Why did you even agree to this, anyways?” She asked. 

Amy could hear the words in her head. _I trust you the most_. Thinking back, it was an easy tactic to sway her; Jake knew he was bad at expressing his feelings, and he knew how much she appreciated it when he was vulnerable around her. She couldn't be mad though, because even though he used it to get her to agree, Amy knew he meant it. 

“Amy?”

She looked back up at her friend and shrugged. “I don't know. I figured I can hold this over his head next time I need a favour.”

“You sure that's it? That's the _only_ reason?” Kylie prompted, a sly grin on her face. 

A flush crept up Amy’s cheeks. Her friend meant well, but she was so coy when it came to Amy's love life, and especially when it came to Jake. Kylie knew the whole story, which was a mistake on Amy's part – she hadn't seen her friend so adamant about a crush of hers in a long time. 

Noting Amy's lack of response, she simply leaned back in her chair, a satisfied smirk on her face.

“You should mess with him. Teach the bird to say sappy romantic stuff so you two can stop beating around the bush and start beating _in_ it, if you know what I mean.” Kylie waggled her eyebrows.

Amy’s nose wrinkled. “You're gross. Jake doesn't like me that way anymore.”

“Oh, sweet, naive Amy. You clearly haven't seen the way that boy looks at you.” 

In that, Kylie was wrong. Amy tried to ignore the way Jake seemed to gaze at her when he thought she wasn't looking, how he looked up at her like she’d hung the moon. But she couldn't push it out of her mind. She had simply convinced herself that her own feelings were making her mind imagine things that weren't there.

“Whatever. I'm gonna head home and go feed this atrocity of an animal.” She stood and brushed the crumbs from her lap, downing the rest of her coffee in one gulp and leaning down to hug her friend. “See you soon.”

Kylie returned the hug, and smiled sweetly. “Text me if you feel like changing your mind. I've got a whole plethora of cheesy pick-up lines stored up here.” She tapped her forehead lightly. Amy just rolled her eyes with an affectionate smile and flicked her friend’s arm before walking out, a fuzzy feeling taking root in her stomach and a plan forming in her mind.

She would never go so far as to teach a parrot to flirt with Jake, but there were plenty of other things it could learn. 

***

“No, no. _Mitochondria_.” Amy dragged out the word, exasperation creeping into her voice. Granted, tutoring a bird wasn't exactly easy. 

Nakatomi just stared at her with his beady eyes, cocking his head. 

Amy sighed. “I'm going to bed. Jake will be here sometime tomorrow to pick you up. Goodnight, Nakatomi.” She stood from her seat in front of the bird cage to retire to her bedroom. 

The last two weeks had been trying, but Amy had grown used to having another living creature around. She found herself saying hello to the bird whenever she entered the room, asking him how his day was upon her return from work, and once had even caught herself using a weird high-pitched voice to speak to him (the voice one would normally use to talk to a puppy). 

But now those days were coming to an end. Jake was due to stop by on his way back into town to pick up Nakatomi, although it was unclear when that would be. He hadn't exactly been precise with his texts.

 _Contact: Pineapples_  
Rcvd: 9:12 PM  
hey dorkus ill come pick up nakatomi on my way home

> _Contact: Pineapples_  
>  Sent: 9:15 PM  
>  Which will be when exactly?  
> 

__

_Contact: Pineapples_  
Rcvd: 9:16 PM  
wouldnt u like to know

> _Contact: Pineapples_  
>  Sent: 9:17 PM  
>  Yes, I would. So I can go to bed.  
> 
> 
> _Contact: Pineapples_  
>  Sent: 9:28 PM  
>  Jake?  
> 
> 
> _Contact: Pineapples_  
>  Sent: 9:31 PM  
>  Jake. What. Time.  
> 

_Contact: Pineapples_  
Rcvd: 9:32 PM  
:)

***

Hours later, Amy woke to darkness, a headache, and the sound of someone fiddling with her front door.

Her heart skipped a beat as she realized what the noise was, and her inner cop immediately went on the defense. Climbing out of bed, she reached for the nearest heavy object: a book, or more precisely, the fifth installment of the Harry Potter series. She crept towards the door, book in hand, and nerves on edge. She could hear more clearly now that she was closer; someone was definitely trying to pick the lock, and definitely succeeding. 

The lock clicked open and she raised her makeshift weapon, standing with her back pressed against the wall. The door pushed open slightly, and as soon as it was open far enough, Amy hurled the book into the darkness of the hallway, feeling triumphant at the sound of a thud and a groan. The triumph didn't last long, however, as she discovered who it was that the groan had come from.

She stood in the doorway, staring at none other than Jake Peralta, in the flesh.

“Care to explain why you’re trying to break into my apartment at three AM?”

Jake rubbed at a spot on his head, wincing. “I wanted to surprise you.”

“And how did that work out for you?” She prompted, crossing her arms. 

“Fantastically. Anyhoops, may I enter?” He said as he slid past her into her living room.

“Well, I was gonna say yes. Patience is a virtue.” She grumbled, closing the door behind him.

Jake turned back to face her, amusement lighting up his features. “So, how’s life as a Bird Mom? You think you're ready to settle down, maybe have a few parrots of your own?” He teased. 

Rolling her eyes, she hopped up to sit on the counter at the edge of the kitchen. “Ha ha. It was fine. I definitely didn't feel the urge to accidentally leave his cage open in the next-door cat lady’s apartment.”

Mock horror crossed his face. “You are a monster.”

Amy just chuckled and crossed one leg under the other, leaning back against the cabinet.

“Well, you'll be happy to know that your services will no longer be needed. I am officially back from my hellish two weeks in the middle of nowhere and will be taking my dear Nakatomi home with me.” He exclaimed, smiling brightly at her as he picked up the cage.

She nodded in relief. “Thank god. I didn't know how many more _yippie ki-yays_ I could take.”

“Ah, yes. I've taught him well.” Jake murmured. “Hey, uh…thanks, again. For, y’know. Helping out.”

“Don't try and sweet talk your way out of owing me a favour. I'm coming straight to you next time my plants need watering.” She grinned at him, sliding off the counter to open the door for him.

A tender smile graced his features. “I gave it my best shot. Goodnight, Amy.” 

“Night, Jake.” She met his eyes and smiled again, closing the door with the look on his face now engraved in her mind. 

_You clearly haven't seen the way that boy looks at you._

Kylie’s words echoed in her mind as she slid the lock closed and padded back to her bedroom.

***

Thirty-seven minutes later, Amy’s phone buzzed, lighting up the room. 

_Contact: Pineapples_  
Rcvd: 3:42 AM  
amy  


_Contact: Pineapples_  
Rcvd: 3:42 AM  
what have u done to nakatomi  


_Contact: Pineapples_  
Rcvd: 3:43 AM  
i trusted u  


_Contact: Pineapples_  
Rcvd: 3:45 AM  
he won’t stop reciting math equations and telling me that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell  


_Contact: Pineapples_  
Rcvd: 3:46 AM  
AMELIA  


_Contact: Pineapples_  
Rcvd: 3:46 AM  
AMY ANSWER ME

> _Contact: Pineapples_  
>  Sent: 3:47 AM  
>  :)  
> 

Amy laughed quietly at the screen and turned it off, rolling over with satisfaction on her face. She closed her eyes and settled deeper into the mattress, her smug contentedness fading to implicit fondness as she fell asleep with the image of Jake’s kind eyes and soft smile fresh in her mind.


End file.
